The List from 2014

The alternative to getting older is being dead. With that in mind, and in order to ward off the significant dread I’m experiencing at having one numeral at the start of my age rather than another, I’ve made a list of fifty things to do before I’m 50.
Considerable thought and consultation has gone into this. I haven’t just written down the first fifty things that I – or anyone else – has thought of. Those of you among my FaceBook followers will remember the giddy morning my friend Kate spent deferring her OU assignment by posting suggestions on my timeline: ‘sit in a bath of baked beans … adopt a baby … be sung to in a gondola in Venice ….’ It was only a matter of time before ‘Kill a man’ or ‘Drive a 1966 Thunderbird convertible into the Grand Canyon’ occurred to her, and I was determined to establish some kind of selection procedure before my list turned into an elaborate suicide note.
My list is made up of things that I have never done or thought I could never do again. For example, ‘Ride a horse’ appears at about number 15. I have ridden a horse, or at least a grey pony called Little Fella, when I was about nine. However, having become very fat in my 40s – possibly equalling Little Fella’s body weight – it looked like my horse riding days were over. Since then, I’ve lost a lot of weight and although I need to lose some more in order to make #15 a challenge for me and not the horse, the notion is no longer a wistful fantasy.
When I asked for suggestions, just about everyone suggested skydiving or bungee jumping. I have ruled these out. My relationship with heights is not a good one. I can barely drive in a car up a steep hill without feeling sick and crying, let alone allow myself to be harnessed to something flimsy and plummet from a precipice. I’m not going to change my hairstyle, live abroad or take a job out of my comfort zone; I’m not going to enter Masterchef or write a novel. I’m keeping the list affordable and practical. I’m pretty sure everything on my list is achievable within the space of a year and on my current income. In order to keep this balance, some of my challenges are carefully – some might say ambiguously – worded (Number one in particular). I don’t care. It’s my list.
The list is below. It’s roughly in the order in which it was compiled, but not the order in which the challenges will be done. When I have completed a challenge, I will write about it and hyperlink the item on the list to the blog entry.
I’ve got until 9th June 2015 to get this lot done. Wish me luck!
1. Complete a 5km land based event
2. Get Russell Crowe to tweet me
3. Visit the most Northerly point of Britain
4. Visit the most Southerly point of Britain
5. Finish reading Madame Bovary
6. Visit Richard III
7. Visit the Tate Gallery
8. Get to the top of Pen y Ghent
9. Watch an episode of Dr Who with each Doctor – in order
10. Build a castle out of Lego
11. Perform Karaoke in public
12. Make and decorate a fancy cake
13. Go to the top of The Shard
14. Attempt to water ski
15. Ride a horse
16. Sew something
17. Have afternoon tea in a swanky hotel
18. Finish knitting my scarf
19. Swim in the sea in the full moon at midnight
20. Be an extra in a film
21. Watch a sport that I’ve never seen before at a live event
22. Lose two more stone
23. Learn how to play Mah Jong
24. Play a round of golf
25. Grow a plant from a seed or bulb
26. See the Kelpies at Falkirk
27. Wear false eyelashes
28. Go a day without swearing
29. Make a piece of jewellery
30. Walk a portion of Hadrian’s Wall
31. See a band I’ve never seen before at a live event – preferably a new genre
32. Learn to tap dance
33. Create origami birds
34. Write a fan letter to Jilly Cooper
35. Go Ape!
36. Complete a cycling challenge
37. Extend my tattoo
38. Learn the alphabet backwards
39. Walk around a lake
40. Go to an island
41. Own a car that works
42. Plant a tree
43. Start a blog
44. Brew an alcoholic beverage
45. Drive a tank
46. Exhibit an artefact
47. Have a day off line
48. Organise a fundraising event
49. Explore McCaig’s Tower
50. Drive through Paris, in a sports car, with the warm wind in my hair